I love watching my boys play. Zach keeps taking Riley by the hand and leading him around the yard telling him (in 22 month gibberish) about everything he sees and wants to do. Riley was beaming and saying how much he loves his brother. It was wonderful. Riley would stand at the bottom of the slide and tell him when to go, and they would both laugh hysterically when Zach would land on the grass/mud beside Riley. I love what great friends my kids are. it is awesome. I love the love that has been growing in our home. Maddie Riley and Zach are squealing in the bath tub soaking their feet.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Amazing what a Mothers Pep Talk can do.
I was blessed to have my Angel mother Come out and Visit me this past January. When She was here, we had some wonderful talks and conversation. My mom Noticed how much I was struggling with Caring about myself. or loving who I was. She Took me aside and told me how much she loved me amoung other things that I will hold forever in my heart.
That was the beginning. The next step was a new "Not Homeless" Coat. I felt Great. I was dressing like I valued myself. I turned more fully to my Heavenly Father, and I found the strength in him and with the support of a loving husband and Family to break my sugar addiction. I will always be a recovering addict, but as I have taken care of myself, I have begun to have the body I always wanted. I am eating better than I have my entire life. It feels AMAZING. It is easier to feel happy. Sometimes like yesterday afternoon, after a day of fighting a losing battle with my kids I started to feel a little down, thoughts of uselessness and feelings of being unappreciated started to sneak in, All it took to get better was getting the kids busy doing something Non destructive, and a quick work out and I was back on top of my game.
It has been about 5 weeks since I gave up sweets, 3 weeks since I started working out (moderate exersize). Have I been here before? No, Not this way or with this perspective.
I did the "Diet" mentality, the "Oh well I will just eat a salad for lunch a tiny breakfast and then dinner." I lost weight then, I was obsessed with weight, So much so that I would weigh myself every time I would go into my room. The feeling of "I won't good enough till I am 130 pounds again" dominated my mind. And as soon as I would start getting close, I would be jubilant and start eating whatever again. Taking no thought of the consequenses, and the Massive depression that would hit 3 weeks later, or The self loathing, amoung other highly destructive thoughts. This time I asked Rob to hide the Scale in the garage. It wasn't far enough, so he chucked it into the rafters. At times I want to weigh myself, but My sponcer (Rob) wont let me. Not till 6 weeks, and hopefully by then I will have concured the desire to know.
I don't think I want to know, I don't want this to be a "Wieght Issue" Or a WAIT issue. I am not going to Wait to be happy, I am not going to wait to feel good about myself. The "When I" is out of the picture.
This is about life. It is about living to the fullest. I am 28 years old, I have spent nearly 28 years being preoccupied with what I looked like, and hating myself. I am done. I am eating really well trying to undo years of damage inflicted by excessive indulgence in toxic foods.
This is what life is about, this is where it begins. I love my kids and I want them to have healthy habits. Healthy lifestyle, and to have true and Real Confidence.
That was the beginning. The next step was a new "Not Homeless" Coat. I felt Great. I was dressing like I valued myself. I turned more fully to my Heavenly Father, and I found the strength in him and with the support of a loving husband and Family to break my sugar addiction. I will always be a recovering addict, but as I have taken care of myself, I have begun to have the body I always wanted. I am eating better than I have my entire life. It feels AMAZING. It is easier to feel happy. Sometimes like yesterday afternoon, after a day of fighting a losing battle with my kids I started to feel a little down, thoughts of uselessness and feelings of being unappreciated started to sneak in, All it took to get better was getting the kids busy doing something Non destructive, and a quick work out and I was back on top of my game.
It has been about 5 weeks since I gave up sweets, 3 weeks since I started working out (moderate exersize). Have I been here before? No, Not this way or with this perspective.
I did the "Diet" mentality, the "Oh well I will just eat a salad for lunch a tiny breakfast and then dinner." I lost weight then, I was obsessed with weight, So much so that I would weigh myself every time I would go into my room. The feeling of "I won't good enough till I am 130 pounds again" dominated my mind. And as soon as I would start getting close, I would be jubilant and start eating whatever again. Taking no thought of the consequenses, and the Massive depression that would hit 3 weeks later, or The self loathing, amoung other highly destructive thoughts. This time I asked Rob to hide the Scale in the garage. It wasn't far enough, so he chucked it into the rafters. At times I want to weigh myself, but My sponcer (Rob) wont let me. Not till 6 weeks, and hopefully by then I will have concured the desire to know.
I don't think I want to know, I don't want this to be a "Wieght Issue" Or a WAIT issue. I am not going to Wait to be happy, I am not going to wait to feel good about myself. The "When I" is out of the picture.
This is about life. It is about living to the fullest. I am 28 years old, I have spent nearly 28 years being preoccupied with what I looked like, and hating myself. I am done. I am eating really well trying to undo years of damage inflicted by excessive indulgence in toxic foods.
This is what life is about, this is where it begins. I love my kids and I want them to have healthy habits. Healthy lifestyle, and to have true and Real Confidence.
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