A trial of Faith

  I recently watched an interview of a former member of the church to which I belong.  It shook me a little. My heart broke.  I was once fond of this person.  He was entertaining and seemed a strong LDS guy.  Now I am still fond of him, but I am sad too.  He has lost his faith, he chose to not follow the counsel given to him. and he was persuaded by the adversary that he had to save himself without Christ, he fell, and Satan pulled him down to hopelessness.    How can I assume this? Well because I have been there. I know what it is like to lose it all, and I know what it is like to feel the arms of angels bare me up and pull me back to life.  All I had to do was truly give my life over to my savior. It is a hard thing to do, Especially when I didn't know him as well as I could have.  Sometimes it feels like you are Atlas holding the sky on your shoulders.  When we get to the point when we are finally humble enough to give it over, to admit we are not strong enough anymore, he will take that burden, he will put people in our lives to hold us up despite the pain. And Miracles will happen.  I remember one day, I was a mess on the floor of the shower, feeling deeply broken down, I was losing the battle in my mind and heart, and despair was creeping back into my heart.  I said a soft but desperate prayer, for help. for something to even distract me from my thoughts.  The phone rang just as I said amen. It was a dear friend I had lost touch with. Her child had been battling cancer the past year.  She called and told me she had just felt like she should call me. The spirit had touched her heart, and having ignored previous promptings regarding other things that week, she jumped on the opportunity. We talked, and though I told her little of my struggles, her voice, and her incredible charity, strength, and kindness, lifted me out of the pit set for me, and I moved forward again.  He always provides a way.
  When the pain is so great, you feel you are crumbling, through the wreckage we will see new life.  Something that is at first weak and fragile, in need of care and nourishment,  it grows up to replace the parts that are broken, and becomes stronger and more beautiful that that which preceded it.
    I know that at times when things are not fitting right in my heart, I can turn to my scriptures, fall to my knees, or turn to the words of the prophets, and I am uplifted, the spirit touches my heart and I know, I know that the gospel of Christ is real, it is true, it is sweet to my soul.  There is GREATNESS in all people. those who know, those who don't. We are ALL created and loved by the same God. No matter what name we know him by.  Those who live different lives than us, have different burdens. Those who have similar burdens are different people and carry them differently.  They have different strengths so rather than judging them, how about we reach out and see what we can do to help them.   Most times when I struggle, all I really need is a little extra love. And that I am sure is universal.

My Last Baby

  Today is Zachary's 2nd birthday. I still am suffering whiplash from how much time has sped up since first holding him in my so tired and shaky arms 2 years ago.  He is just a 25 pound burst of sunshine. He has a smile that warms my guts.

  The past 2 years have been amazing. He is so fun and full of love. One of my favorite things he does is point to a part of my cheek, or another place on my face,  say "Right there" and give me a kiss, then he points to a part of his face and tells me "Right there" and I have to give him a kiss.  He gives great snuggles, though now when i ask he says "No!" with a silly grin, giggles and runs away.
  He likes to hold my hand and sit beside daddy. He is a blast to be around.

  Today we had a monster cake, and pizza for dinner.  I still feel sick.  Its amazing, I am down to the weight I was before I started having babies, and I have 3 of them. It makes life so awesome, I am able to keep up with them, Run through the parks and and carry them around.  Riley Doesn't have any money yet, (as he doesn't yet get a regular allowance) but he really wanted to give Zach a presant, so without my knowledge he wrapped up a couple of his own TOys and books and Gave them to Zach.  Riley Truly has the most kind and gentle heart.  I learn so much from him.  he reminds me of My Dad in so meny ways, his curiousity and passion for learning at the front.  He is awesome.  Zach is so lucky to have a big brother like him.  And Zach worships the ground he walks on.
  Maddie was really excited to "help" with the cake. She was on a nice big sugar high by the time Rob got home, but she too was excited for Zach and gave him lots of snuggles. Maddie Kept saying how she loves that her birthday is in  July.  So I have a feeling we will be planning that for the next while.
  Anyway these are some pictures and Video from today.

This is the book we got him Called I love you Hugaboo.  It is so Cute!  And he almost sat for the whole thing when I was reading it too him....Maybe on a day when he hasn't had a nap....

The bear at the end opens up to give the reader a hug...

The Toy and book Riley gave him are on the floor in front of him.  Riley said that Zach has been wanting them for a while so he gave them to him.

And the talking Singing puppy we gave him. Already a big hit. 

Zach Eating a monster eye ball (Comprized of marshmallows and butter cream)

"I love you Zach!  Give Daddy a Grin..."

                                                           Are you Cute?

YUMMY Cake.....
















I love Watching him eat, but the priceless part of this is Maddie Making her piece of cake talk.  She has the most amazing Imagination ever, and Riley is SO literal.  It is just great. I love my kids.