A Warning.

   I like to think possitively,  As much as possible.   So when I started having dreams, and very strong impressions about the Prophets counsel to "make sure all is safely gathered in" I was a little scared.  Its a little nerve racking when I read my scriptures before bed and see the prophices made there, being fullfilled on the news every night.   I get a little kick in the butt by the spirit when I see my government taking land owners rights away.  When I see the more part of the people electing "wicked" officials and laws that take our basic human rights away.  The right to take care of ourselves.  Food, shelter, water.  
    I fear cause our country along with our neighbours to the south are following blindly as our leaders piece by piece take away what our soldiers, bothers, fathers, sisters, mothers have fought so hard to keep, and protect.
   Everything our countries were founded on is being chipped away by a little bit of legislation here, and a little there.   We are now funding peoples sex change opperations, Abortion, partial birth abortions (don't know what that is, look it up);  and yet to speak of God or Pro life, or fundamental marriage, prayer, is out lawed in schools and the work place.   If you believe in absolutes in this world, you are discriminated against, called narrow minded, and hateful.   
    It is a sad place we have come too.  I don't hate those that believe in the first stated things.  I know God loves them as much as he loves me.  I just want to protect mine, and my childrens Rights to believe what we will.    In the 11th article of faith written to the world by Joseph Smith it states "We claim the priviledge of worshiping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how where or what they may".
   With our rights being whittled away,  hearing the prophets speak in the last General Conferance,  or protecting our children, my fire is lit, and I will not place it under a "Bushel" but here it is to see.
   We must fight for our rights to be self sufficient.   Our basic freedoms should not be infringed upon.  We have been told to get out of debt, to plant gardens, get our food storage, and lay up spiritual strength.
   I could go on an list all the things I know how to do to help in case of an emergency,  but I wont in this post.   This time I think the only thing I would want to give anyone who reads this, is not possible for me to give.  But I can beseach you to learn how to reciecve revelation from our all Loving Heavenly Father.    Learn how to listen to the being who knows and sees all.  then learn to listen and follow. 
  I know what he has told me I need to do,  and Rob and I are going all out to do it.  What does he want you to do?  What does he have to tell you.
  Receiving light and knowledge from Heavenly Father is the only thing that will get us individually through any trial.  whether it be death, poverty, mental illness, heart break of any kind.  He will point us in the direction we should go.  we HAVE to be willing and open to listen.

  

Being a Princess

  Someone once told me when encouraging me to look at lavish houses reaching sizes of close to 4000 square feet, that I need to wake up every day feeling like a Princess.  I used to wonder if that is really what it would take.  Well I live in my 1300 square foot house, (Plus a slightly smaller basement) it was built in the late 70's early 80s, and i am happy to  say that every day I wake up and feel like a princess, or a queen.   I wake up every morning next to the Man of my dreams, Sleeping on a King Sized bed with the head board my hubby and i made together.  Surrounded by pictures and things we have done and made side by side.  Then we kneel together to start the day with prayer.  then a hour or so later I get hugs and loves from the 3 most important people in my world.   I even have a court jester. Her name is Dot, She weighs roughly 16 pounds, but her jokes pack a heavy punch. never fail to get me smiling.  She is a Boston terrier. and a total clown.
  My walls are decorated in hand prints and pencil, and sometimes even crayon.  My kids are my resident artists. I work like a slave, but live like a queen.
  My house isn't on an acreage, its not an Italian Villa, or fancy mansion, but every day I wake up a Queen.

A trial of Faith

  I recently watched an interview of a former member of the church to which I belong.  It shook me a little. My heart broke.  I was once fond of this person.  He was entertaining and seemed a strong LDS guy.  Now I am still fond of him, but I am sad too.  He has lost his faith, he chose to not follow the counsel given to him. and he was persuaded by the adversary that he had to save himself without Christ, he fell, and Satan pulled him down to hopelessness.    How can I assume this? Well because I have been there. I know what it is like to lose it all, and I know what it is like to feel the arms of angels bare me up and pull me back to life.  All I had to do was truly give my life over to my savior. It is a hard thing to do, Especially when I didn't know him as well as I could have.  Sometimes it feels like you are Atlas holding the sky on your shoulders.  When we get to the point when we are finally humble enough to give it over, to admit we are not strong enough anymore, he will take that burden, he will put people in our lives to hold us up despite the pain. And Miracles will happen.  I remember one day, I was a mess on the floor of the shower, feeling deeply broken down, I was losing the battle in my mind and heart, and despair was creeping back into my heart.  I said a soft but desperate prayer, for help. for something to even distract me from my thoughts.  The phone rang just as I said amen. It was a dear friend I had lost touch with. Her child had been battling cancer the past year.  She called and told me she had just felt like she should call me. The spirit had touched her heart, and having ignored previous promptings regarding other things that week, she jumped on the opportunity. We talked, and though I told her little of my struggles, her voice, and her incredible charity, strength, and kindness, lifted me out of the pit set for me, and I moved forward again.  He always provides a way.
  When the pain is so great, you feel you are crumbling, through the wreckage we will see new life.  Something that is at first weak and fragile, in need of care and nourishment,  it grows up to replace the parts that are broken, and becomes stronger and more beautiful that that which preceded it.
    I know that at times when things are not fitting right in my heart, I can turn to my scriptures, fall to my knees, or turn to the words of the prophets, and I am uplifted, the spirit touches my heart and I know, I know that the gospel of Christ is real, it is true, it is sweet to my soul.  There is GREATNESS in all people. those who know, those who don't. We are ALL created and loved by the same God. No matter what name we know him by.  Those who live different lives than us, have different burdens. Those who have similar burdens are different people and carry them differently.  They have different strengths so rather than judging them, how about we reach out and see what we can do to help them.   Most times when I struggle, all I really need is a little extra love. And that I am sure is universal.

My Last Baby

  Today is Zachary's 2nd birthday. I still am suffering whiplash from how much time has sped up since first holding him in my so tired and shaky arms 2 years ago.  He is just a 25 pound burst of sunshine. He has a smile that warms my guts.

  The past 2 years have been amazing. He is so fun and full of love. One of my favorite things he does is point to a part of my cheek, or another place on my face,  say "Right there" and give me a kiss, then he points to a part of his face and tells me "Right there" and I have to give him a kiss.  He gives great snuggles, though now when i ask he says "No!" with a silly grin, giggles and runs away.
  He likes to hold my hand and sit beside daddy. He is a blast to be around.

  Today we had a monster cake, and pizza for dinner.  I still feel sick.  Its amazing, I am down to the weight I was before I started having babies, and I have 3 of them. It makes life so awesome, I am able to keep up with them, Run through the parks and and carry them around.  Riley Doesn't have any money yet, (as he doesn't yet get a regular allowance) but he really wanted to give Zach a presant, so without my knowledge he wrapped up a couple of his own TOys and books and Gave them to Zach.  Riley Truly has the most kind and gentle heart.  I learn so much from him.  he reminds me of My Dad in so meny ways, his curiousity and passion for learning at the front.  He is awesome.  Zach is so lucky to have a big brother like him.  And Zach worships the ground he walks on.
  Maddie was really excited to "help" with the cake. She was on a nice big sugar high by the time Rob got home, but she too was excited for Zach and gave him lots of snuggles. Maddie Kept saying how she loves that her birthday is in  July.  So I have a feeling we will be planning that for the next while.
  Anyway these are some pictures and Video from today.

This is the book we got him Called I love you Hugaboo.  It is so Cute!  And he almost sat for the whole thing when I was reading it too him....Maybe on a day when he hasn't had a nap....

The bear at the end opens up to give the reader a hug...

The Toy and book Riley gave him are on the floor in front of him.  Riley said that Zach has been wanting them for a while so he gave them to him.

And the talking Singing puppy we gave him. Already a big hit. 

Zach Eating a monster eye ball (Comprized of marshmallows and butter cream)

"I love you Zach!  Give Daddy a Grin..."

                                                           Are you Cute?

YUMMY Cake.....
















I love Watching him eat, but the priceless part of this is Maddie Making her piece of cake talk.  She has the most amazing Imagination ever, and Riley is SO literal.  It is just great. I love my kids.

My Daddy's Request

 My dad told me to save my talks.  Well this is the first in 7 years.  and here it is. 

Becoming who we are meant to be

I have written about 4 talks over the past 6 weeks as I fretted over this moment, and none of them felt right so I wrote this one on Friday! I was asked to speak on some ambiguous topic, What I managed to settle on was something that I am still learning, and in all likelihood will be for the rest of my life.

Becoming who we are meant to be, that thought, or topic kept coming to mind. Maybe because it is a life long pursuit, for all of us. There is a movie, one of my favorites Called Joe Vs The Volcano, that I kept thinking of, and as his metaphoric guardian angle says “I can't tell you who you are” but he goes on to help him along his way. I can't tell you who you are but I will list some tools I have found that have helped me along the way, so far.

First I want to tell you a little about my jumping off point, hopefully it will remind you of one of your own.

I remember as a Kid my mom waking My sister up for Church one morning. She Rolled over and growled, “I am not going to church any more!” My sister having missed the previous week incensed the spirit to guide my mom to say “Fine, you get one more week! But we McCall's Go to church.” The Next week She was up and ready to go, and every week Following.

Our last names can define us, and sometimes we define, or redefine our last name.

Okay on to my hints.

Hint one.

Make a list. If you don't write it down it is just a dream; rather than a Goal.

Elder Carl B Cook spoke of a moment he had with Pres. Monson, when he was struggling under the new mantle he was given as a general Authority. After being lifted by his Cheerfulness, optimism and great faith in the lord, he saw how much Pres Monson “Trusts in the Lord and relies on him for strength, and the Lord blesses him”

now, who wouldn't want to be those things?

They can be the most simple things. To be happy, to focus more on the positive. Increase faith, gain a testimony, not hit your brother today. In the Church we have so many shining examples before us. I will never forget my young Womens leader when I was 12. Her name was Tracey. She loved horses, she was kind and faithful. Always willing to listen to me jabber on at the speed of light for indeterminate amounts of time. At times I may feel, “I will never be as patient or kind as Tracey Pringle, or as Sweet as Rose and Silvannah”, but It is on my list, I have another 60 to 70 years to perfect that those things! Hopefully it wont take that long, because I have a long list.

Hint 2

Read Your Patriarchal Blessing.

What an immeasurable gift they are. They are scripture just for us. They are sacred, not to be boasted of or freely shared. They are sacred.

A Patriarchal blessing gives us guidance, sometimes they can be a gimps of our life before we came here. Some list and clarify the gifts we have , or may have. What a wonderful blessing. They are a map. When we get lost, it can and will guide us back to progression. Pres. Monson wrote in the the feb 2010 liahona

“Your patriarchal blessing is yours and yours alone. It may be brief or lengthy, simple or profound. Length and language do not a patriarchal blessing make. It is the Spirit that conveys the true meaning. Your blessing is not to be folded neatly and tucked away. It is not to be framed or published. Rather, it is to be read. It is to be loved. It is to be followed. Your patriarchal blessing will see you through the darkest night. It will guide you through life’s dangers. … Your patriarchal blessing is to you a personal Liahona to chart your course and guide your way. …”

Hint 3

Learn the Nature of God.

How many of you have been told how much you look like your parents? How many of you have ever said something, stopped and said “woah that is totally something my MOM/Dad would say!”

If you haven't, now I have said it, and, if I do flatter myself that you will remember I said it, will notice in short time, that you do. I notice my moms laugh, and hi frequency shriek of joy when I am playing with my puppy.

As we Come to better understand the nature of God, we better understand our potential and Privileges. We can know him better than we now know him. There is great comfort in having a personal, and close relationship With our Heavenly father. As Pres Uchdorf said, and I quote this a lot “We are nothing compared to God yet To God we are everything.”

When you know him, When you talk to him morning noon and night the tasks on your list, the characteristics on your list, no longer seem as daunting or unreachable. You have the all powerful Father in your corner, cheering you on.

And as we get to know him better, we will begin to see him More clearly in us. There is that country song from my early childhood that comes to mind. I am starting to see My father in me.

Hint #5

Don't get distracted. Don't fall into Satans ploys, plots, or traps. That stop our progression and stunt our growth in spirit, mind, and lives.

There is this fantastic series Rob and I read together. In this adventure series there was a place called the Lotus Hotel. It offered everything you could want, Food, entertainment, relaxation, excitement, all free of charge. They get stuck there for a time and when they try to leave, they notice, they wasted a great deal of time they didn't have and, The hero knows that had they stayed he would soon forget his life, and his quest.

That is one way we get snared. I am sure as the awkward pre teen I was, if told to make a list, top of mine would have been, “BE PRETTY!” Satan wants us to only focus on the superficial stuff. Out ward appearances, things that really don't matter, and cant last.

We have been given Blessings, the world would call them rules. But really they are things to keep us free. the Word of Wisdom keeps us free from addiction, Healthy and keen minded. The Word of wisdom is a physical and spiritual blessing.

Pres Packers Address “How to survive in Enemy Territory” gives a better picture of the Mine field we live in. But in interest of time I will share just the first bit.

“You are growing up in enemy territory. When you become mature spiritually, you will understand how the adversary has infiltrated the world around you. He is in homes, entertainment, the media, language—everything around you. In most cases, his presence is undetected.
I want to tell you that which will be of most worth and most desirable. The scriptures say, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom,” and I would add, “with all [your] getting get [going!]”1 I do not have time to waste and neither do you.”
Time wasters are another insidious Trap. Time wasters can be anything, Video games, TV, movies, vanity, even literature, sports, anything that claims so much of your time and or thoughts it prevents you from becoming who and what you are designed to become. In 2 nephi 9:27 it says

 27 But wo unto him that has the law given, yea, that has all the commandments of God, like unto us, and that btransgresseth them, and that cwasteth the days of his dprobation, for awful is his state!

We live in a time so full of idle pursuits, people are falling like flies to this. If Satan can keep us looking down at a screen he barely has to try to keep us from progressing. The other day as I was busy facebooking, Riley came in the office and Asked “why are you watching that? Why don't you want to watch us?” I was duly chastised.
We are told in Mosiah 4:30 to watch our thoughts, words and deeds. because our thoughts define our character as George Albert Smith said “when your life is complete in mortality, it will be the sum of your thoughts”.
And Another, Please don't fall into the “just give up you will never be good enough” snare. That one is a spiritual, and emotional, Bear trap.
The others passify and lull us to sleep. To quote Joe Vs the Volcano again, “My father says the whole world is asleep...he says that only a few are awake and they live in a state of constant, total amazement” Satan wants us to waist our time here, to be damned or stopped up. In 2 nephi 1:13 it says

 13 O that ye would awake; awake from a deep sleep, yea, even from the sleep of hell, and shake off the awful chains by which ye are bound, which are the chains which bind the children of men, that they are carried away captive down to the eternal gulf of misery and woe.

So that hint summed up, Don't be a Zombie.
Hint 6
Be Patient with yourself. Repent or turn to God daily. Include our Father in heaven in all Goals, whether it be spiritual, Mental, or physical,. This may sound strange. But Before I exercise ever day, I kneel Down and ask heavenly Father for the strength and determination to get through it. And even ENJOY it. So far its working. IT had made a HUGE difference.
Hint 7
Along the way, for this is an ETERNAL endeavour, we MUST look at ourselves through the only eyes that can see us perfectly. The eyes of our saviour. The worlds eyes only see one shallow layer at a time. One shallow distorted layer. They Can Never see the full masterpiece. For that is the miracle of our mortality, everyday we become a masterpiece. It is up to us to decide whose Gallery we will hang in.
I would like to leave you with a quote I saw on kelly Bunnages FB, that I think makes it pretty clear what we are meant to be.
"KNOWEST THOU NOT THAT THOU ARE A SPARK OF DEITY STRUCK FROM THE FIRE OF ETERNAL BLAZE AND BROUGHT FORTH IN THE MIDST OF ETERNAL BURNINGS?" -John Taylor
I would like to bare my testimony
As we harken to D&C 121:45 “Let Virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly that thy confidence may wax strong in the presence of god” we will be truly happy living in total amazement at Gods Glory and gifts all around us. And we will become what we are eternally meant to be. Light, intelligence, joy Charity and faith.
I say these things in The Name of he that makes all this possible, even Jesus Christ, amen.

My Boys.

  I love watching my boys play.  Zach keeps taking Riley by the hand and leading him around the yard telling him (in 22 month gibberish) about everything he sees and wants to do. Riley was beaming and saying how much he loves his brother.  It was wonderful.  Riley would stand at the bottom of the slide and tell him when to go, and they would both laugh hysterically when Zach would land on the grass/mud beside Riley.   I love what great friends my kids are. it is awesome. I love the love that has been growing in our home.  Maddie Riley and Zach are squealing in the bath tub soaking their feet.
 

Amazing what a Mothers Pep Talk can do.

  I was blessed to have my Angel mother Come out and Visit me this past January.  When She was here, we had some wonderful talks and conversation. My mom Noticed how much I was struggling with Caring about myself. or loving who I was.  She Took me aside and told me how much she loved me amoung other things that I will hold forever in my heart.
    That was the beginning.  The next step was a new "Not Homeless" Coat.  I felt Great. I was dressing like I valued myself.   I turned more fully to my Heavenly Father, and I found the strength in him and with the support of a loving husband and Family to break my sugar addiction. I will always be a recovering addict, but as I have taken care of myself, I have begun to have the body I always wanted.  I am eating better than I have my entire life.  It feels AMAZING.  It is easier to feel happy.  Sometimes like yesterday afternoon, after a day of fighting a losing battle with my kids I started to feel a little down, thoughts of uselessness and feelings of being unappreciated started to sneak in, All it took to get better was getting the kids busy doing something Non destructive, and a quick work out and I was back on top of my game.
  It has been about 5 weeks since I gave up sweets, 3 weeks since I started working out (moderate exersize).  Have I been here before?  No, Not this way or with this perspective.
   I did the "Diet" mentality,  the "Oh well I will just eat a salad for lunch a tiny breakfast and then dinner." I lost weight then, I was obsessed with weight, So much so that I would weigh myself every time I would go into my room.  The feeling of "I won't good enough till I am 130 pounds again" dominated my mind.  And as soon as I would start getting close, I would be jubilant and start eating whatever again.  Taking no thought of the consequenses, and the Massive depression that would hit 3 weeks later, or  The self loathing, amoung other highly destructive thoughts.  This time I asked Rob to hide the Scale in the garage.  It wasn't far enough, so he chucked it into the rafters.  At times I want to weigh myself, but My sponcer (Rob) wont let me.  Not till 6 weeks, and hopefully by then I will have concured the desire to know.
  I don't think I want to know, I don't want this to be a "Wieght Issue"  Or a WAIT issue.  I am not going to Wait to be happy, I am not going to wait to feel good about myself.  The "When I" is out of the picture. 
   This is about life.  It is about living to the fullest.  I am 28 years old, I have spent nearly 28 years being preoccupied with what I looked like, and hating myself.  I am done.  I am eating really well trying to undo years of damage inflicted by excessive indulgence in toxic foods.
   This is what life is about, this is where it begins.   I love my kids and I want them to have healthy habits.  Healthy lifestyle, and to have true and Real Confidence.
  

So SAD!

   There was a Family in my town who recently lost thier 2 day old baby to a horrible accident.  Their Huskey Got out and bit the babe on the head, Doctors were unable to save the baby's life.  I love Dogs, as do these people. As Dog lovers I think we tend to forget that they are indeed Preditors.  They can be unpredictable and are very smart.  This huskey broke out of its cage just before the accident insude. 
  My heart and feelings go out to that family.  I judged unfairly at first, I went wrong by judging at all. 

Music Of the Heart

    I spent the day with My extremely talented friend Anita.  She has written amazing music, but there were two of her songs today that really struck my heart.  One I do not know the name of describes the woman I want to be. Worthy of a Heavenly Fathers love, with her mind and heart set on the riches of heaven. The other about which side we stand on.  Are we In or Out.  As Rob listened with me, tears filled his eyes as he describe a general of an army calling to Her troops, are you in or out? are we going to stand for whats right or be lost?  That is the music of my heart.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGCZ5ebxe5w&feature=player_embedded
  This is one of the songs. "In Or Out" By Anita Anderson
  We woman and mothers are just that, Generals at the head of our Children leading them through this war field, teaching them how to navigate the pit falls, dodge firey darts, and fight with all they have.  We must teach them to feel the angels around them standing in battalions waiting to come to thier aid as soon as they are needed.  We must teach them not just to pray, but how to pray, with all energy of soul.  How to bring  our will in sycronisity with Heavenly Fathers so we will know what to ask for, when and how to ask.  How to use the atonement Of Jesus Christ to heal their wounds.  To know him. To know God.

  Anita your music is inspired and inspiring.

Late Night

I spent much of last night chatting with an old friend. A friend I had once considered close, but as years and distance and circumstance often do, now has worn that friendship down to acquaintance. The interesting thing about this friendship was that I considered them to be one of the closest friends, and kindred spirits of my "single" past. Apparently, they did not have the same experience as I did. Though they often told me otherwise at the time. So the thoughts rattling around in my head this morning, are these: Does it really matter how much others care about us? Is more gained through the receiving of love or giving it away?
The answers I have concluded on as of today, but not limited to, are, No It doesn't matter how much another person cares for you. There is SO much more to be gained by giving love away than receiving it.
The love I gave this friend, was an example to me the depth of my heart. I truly and deeply cared, and still do, for their happiness, not the glib I hope you find happiness, but a deep aching desire for them to truly achieve their divine potential and rights. For when any of us really start to live up to our divine potential, it is a miracle. He may not have gained much from our friendship, but I did. In fact, if it was not for him, I would never have grown up enough to Love and Marry the Man I really needed. The man that has taught me more about love, forgiveness, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, than any other person. A Real Man that has shown me unconditional love, and I have learned true charity for.
There is absolutely more to be gained by loving another than being loved by another. Love is what carries us through, it gives us the feeling that we are acceptable to the people we know. Yet the only love that we can give away that is self sustaining, truly lifting and nourishing is the love of our Savior and Heavenly Father, and when we feel that, we desire to live up to the potential we all have. As it fills us from heaven, it fills every crack, every bruise, every hole of your spirit. Then it over flows, pours out and over all our family and friends and acquaintance, eventually the world. George Albert Smith was known for that kind of love.
No, my dear friend from so many years ago, thank you, thank you for letting me grow, for showing me how much I have grown. I do not regret the care I gave you. I do not regret the pain nor embarrassment of losing someone or something I never had. For I gained a little insight into how our Savior Loves, and feels. I am truly blessed.

Random Thoughts

I really don't do this enough....
As I was cleaning my house yesterday, and I looked around at our decor, I felt overwhelming gratitude. I decided to start a list of what I LOVE about "Us" Being my family. I love that we love to work. I love that we don't have to spend a ton of money to have nice things. I love the joy we feel in creating something new. Especially on the cheap. I love that I cook meals and breads and goodies from scratch. I love that we are careful with our money. I love how we get our sense of accomplishment from doing something ourselves, not just having sufficient money to hire someone to do it for us.
I am so excited to plant my garden in a couple months here. I can't wait to feel the joy that comes from eating our home grown food.
Heavenly Father has granted us so many gifts and talents. I hope to start discovering more and really cultivating them.
Being Idle is an abomination to God. I hope to purge myself of this. I watched WAY to much TV the past 2 days, and I noticed that as I did that I became easily angered, Tired, I had way less energy, and was not in anyway motivated. Funny how inertia works. Its not just a law of physics but also a law of psychology. Every one gets their sense of accomplishment, and worth from different things, these happen to be some of mine....What are yours?